I just came home from the temple..
I've never really been a religious person, but since Alex passed away I've been there every Tuesday since we have a ceremony for him on Tuesdays.

I'm not really gonna talk about Buddhism and what my beliefs are.
I just wish my nephew to pass on in peace, without any regrets.

People say " time heal all wounds"
How come my wounds gets bigger with time?

Alex was supposed to turn 7 yesterday. We celebrated his birthday since we already promised him.
The day before he passed away he asked my sister :
- Mom, are we celebrating my bday at busfabriken or at home?
- Where ever you want, sweetie.
- okay, let's do it at home cause its so expensive at busfabriken...
" sweetest kid ever"
If only he was here to see the people who came and celebrated his bday.. This would've been one of his happiest days in life..
We missed him so much..

.. Knowing what it is about.
Telling the same story over and over again.
Getting mad, frustrated, sad, and everything that is...
- "How are you doing?"
Is the first thing they ask.
I'm not fine, Ofcourse I'm not.
I don't know how I'm doing.
I don't know my own feelings.
What am I supposed to feel?
I'm not mad at people asking me that question, I know they only wish me the best.
But the truth is I don't know how to answer that question...

.. And we only needed one of those minutes to save our Alex...

Remember when you are wasting your breath, someone out there is taking their last.

There are not enough words in the world to describe our feelings and emotions right now...

So stop taking one and another for granted, treasure eachother like it was your last day. I know I will.

Even though his life was so short, he was loved by so many.

He accomplished more in life by that age than most people wouldn't have until adulthood.

So happy, our Alex. Always a bright smile on his lovely face. <3

I really can't describe in words what our family is going through...
I really appreciate each and every one of you who's been visiting/texting or called us and shared our sorrow with us.
People whom we haven't seen or heard from for ages.. And then there are people whom we've been talking to regularly and haven't even said one word..
I'm mad, frustrated, I wanna let my anger out somehow.
But I can't, I'm stuck with emotions and I can't let it out.
I don't believe in karma... I just don't!

Someone passes away and from moments to moments it feels "normal".
People laugh, having fun, just basically continue living.
I'm scared, scared of forgetting him if I move on, if I continue living without him...
It's hard sometimes, Ofcourse, but sometimes it feels like he's still here..
"He'll be home soon. He's just on a trip" I keep telling myself..

I miss you.

If feels wrong...
Wrong to have fun,
Wrong to smile,
Wrong to eat.
Or just wrong to be alive,
Realizing you're not...

It hurts. I can't describe the feeling of losing someone close to you, especially when it's a 6 year old boy. He was supposed to turn 7 in 10 days...
I can't believe he's really gone..
Can someone wake me up from this nightmare I'm in? I don't wanna be here anymore, I wanna wake up.
Alexander, I love you soooo much.. Wherever you are, I hope someone takes care of you....

Just ordered something from Gucci on Monday night and it was delivered from ITALY and I got it today IN MY HAND BY THE DOOR.
But if you order something in SWEDEN where you fucking live, eg. Nelly, then you get it 2-3 week later.. I mean seriously what the efff!?? Do you REALLY have to buy expensive stuff for them to take your order seriously!??

Just heard something soooo funny from my sister.
She said that I would've gotten more "stalkers" if I just softened up a little.
Okay first thing, I have a boyfriend.
Second, NO EFFING WAY!
People has been running to her saying that I would've gotten more attention from guys if I was more "nicer" and "sweeter" etc. towards people..
Loool.. You know the kind of girls who talks like a baby whenever they're around a guy??? Faking their stupid laugh, or just being FAKE in general!? Like KISSING someone's Ass!?? No way Jose!!
Those girls are my enemies.. I puke by the sight of them around.. EEEEWWWW can't stand them!!